Why I will never be on time.

We were literally walking out the door, at 8:05 am, when Lia turns and darts for the bathroom. How did she not notice the urge anytime during the previous 15 minutes? All momentum is lost. Finally, we get out and zoom over to the school, determined to make it through the side gate before it is locked. Lia notices her friends crossing the street at the traffic light and wants to dash for the intersection to join them. I scoop up Etan, his bulldozer, my keys, Lia's backpack, her sweater, and lope towards the light. Apparently I grabbed the wrong miniature vehicle, for Etan is screaming and making his 25 lb body lax as a lox. I put him down for a second, unable to manage all my bundles, and he tries to cross the very busy street back to our car, site of the truly desired toy.
Meanwhile Lia is running ahead towards the now locked gate. "Pick up your backpack!" I shriek. "I can't carry all this stuff myself!" Of course she won't and doesn't and now Etan is lying on his back on the sidewalk by the school buses, screaming. The driver is making sympathetic comments, but I cannot hear them. Lia is yelling at me to hurry up. I decide that I need to have a meltdown too and start screaming. I compose myself and stuff some crap into the backpack, pick up Etan, and start punting the backpack ahead of me like a soccer ball.
As we near the kindergarten gate, I decide, for efficiency sake, to just hurl it over the top and retrieve it when we come around from the other side, for now we have to go in a longer, back way. Now Lia is screaming and sobbing repeatedly, "I want my backpack! I want my backpack!" So I have to push her around and towards the entrance and I'm practically dragging Etan and finally enter the kindergarten yard where Lia stands still while crying for her backpack and my younger one is screaming. Out of the corners of my eyes, I perceive other adults assessing the situation, either breathing a sigh of relief that isn't their child, or wondering how Child Protective Services lets me parent without supervision. Within moments, everyone is settled as if we'd just sauntered into class with nary a quibble. It's 8:15 am, and I am exhausted.